


The Pact

by pleasereadmeok



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-14 23:44:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3429956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pleasereadmeok/pseuds/pleasereadmeok
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I feel like I’m taking advantage…”<br/>“You’re not.  I promise you. You’re not.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pact

**Author's Note:**

> In Oppo Research Alicia and Finn have a conversation in a bar about the photograph of him leaving her place one morning. He was there to do witness prep’ for his disciplinary hearing. 
> 
> The original conversation for TGW is re-produced at the beginning and the story takes up after that.

“ _So this is a nice change for us – not yelling at each other in court.”_  
_“There’s a photo of you leaving my apartment at 8.30 am on March 18th.”_  
_“Really. Is it a good photo?”_  
_“Depends.”_  
_“Where we up to something naughty?”_  
_“Witness prep’.”_  
_“Disgusting.”_  
_“If they ask you about it Finn you’d say it was about the disciplinary hearing.”_  
_“You mean the truth – sure. Unless you want me to say I stayed the night.”_  
_“Probably not.”_  
_“Sorry I’m in a funny mood I don’t know why….alright I do know why because I thought there might be some tension between us because….”_  
_“…You’re trying to put my partner in prison.”_  
_“It kind of has a way of putting a crimp in the friendship.”_  
_“And I thought there’d be tension because I’m thinking of running.”_  
_“No. I think that’s great, honestly. I’m glad you called. Come on – take a cab -drink with me. What’s wrong with you?”_  
_“I’d better not…”_  
_“What do something you’d regret like more witness prep?”_  
_“I’d better go.”_  
_“Castro wants to scare you from the race but he knew where you were vulnerable.”_  
_“He said that?”_  
_“I heard him say it. Be careful.”_  
_“Don’t be vulnerable?”_  
_“If you can help it.”_

 

“If you are going up against Castro he’ll use anything. Alicia – don’t you get it? If they have a photograph of me leaving – they definitely have one of _me arriving_.”  
She looked worried “Oh my god – you’re right – he’ll save that up for … Oh god.”  
“Look is there anything I can do?”  
“No… No… I… No.”

 

Finn arrived at Alicia’s apartment at 8.30pm on March 17th. He wasn’t really looking forward to going over the details of his statement again. Each time he did, he relived those awful moments in the courtroom. He heard the sound of the shots; he saw the blood pooling around him; he felt the pain of the bullets. He instinctively put a hand up to his strapped shoulder and felt the pain again. Most of all he saw Will – lying in his arms. Will - fighting for his life and fighting to tell him something that Finn knew was important. His last words had been ‘I love her’. 

Finn didn’t know who _‘her’_ was – he discovered that there was no wife or girlfriend to relay the message to when he was asking about Will after the shooting. He was wise enough to know that he could easily put his foot in it and cause people pain if he passed on the message to the wrong woman and so he kept silent.

The other big problem with these meetings for Finn was Alicia herself. She was clearly grieving for her old boss although there had obviously been some ‘rift’ between them at the end. It was her eyes that got to Finn the most – the grief in her eyes. He had seen eyes like that before. His wife had eyes like that.

It was Alicia’s eyes that had started to tell him that she was, in fact, the _‘her’_ Will loved. He’d heard some rumours and he was almost convinced. He made up his mind to ask outright and then he would be sure he was giving Will’s message to the right woman.

Alicia and Finn started off by talking about their day and drinking some wine until she said, “We need to get on – we’ve got the hearing tomorrow.” They discussed their strategy and then settled back with another drink on the sofa.

“Alicia, may I ask you a **really** personal question?”  
She was taken aback. “Um I guess so. I may not answer though!”  
“Will?”  
She understood the implied question. “You don’t have to ask. Yes, Will and I … well it was complicated.”  
“How complicated?” Finn’s lawyer brain was engaged and he persisted.

So Alicia told him. The words came easily and for the first time ever, with anyone, she gave a full account of her relationship with Will.  
Afterwards Finn asked, “Did you love him?”  
She looked like she was struggling against the truth. “Yes – I loved him.”  
“So you’re _‘her’_.” Finn said quietly.  
_“Her?”_  
“Sorry. This is hard … When Will was….lying there, he said something.” Alicia looked shocked – not quite understanding. “I….I didn’t tell you when you asked because…. Well I just wasn’t sure who the message was for but….now I know.”  
Alicia looked at him intently holding her breath.  
“He said ‘I love her’”

Alicia put her hand up to her mouth and started to sob silently. She looked desperately at Finn as the tears fell. He moved closer to her so he could put his good arm around her and held her while she cried.  
Through the sobs and tears Alicia managed to say, “Thank you – you’ve no idea what hearing that means to me.”  
Finn carefully wiped away her tears with the sleeve of his shirt and held her close.  
“I’m just so sorry I couldn’t tell you sooner. I’m glad I finally figured it out.”  
Alicia buried her face into his chest and breathed in the smell of wine and a citrusy, spicy scent she did not recognise.  
“It’s so nice to be held again. I feel like….” She suddenly remembered something. “Sorry does it still hurt?”  
“No – it’s OK – really.”  
“No – I don’t just mean physically.”  
“Oh. Well I get flashbacks. Sometimes I see blood everywhere. I just … I dunno…I drink too much and I don’t sleep some nights.”  
“Have you had any help?”  
“What – like therapy? No – not really my thing.” 

They sat together on the sofa, not speaking, just holding each other. Eventually it was late and Finn said “I’d better leave you to get some sleep – big day tomorrow.” Alicia didn’t let go.  
“Finn – please don’t go. I don’t want to be alone and I don’t think you want to be alone either.”  
He bit his lip – thinking what his answer should be. “Are you sure?”  
“Yes.”  
“If you want me to stay close – that’s fine.”  
“No – I meant…”  
He understood. “I get it – for comfort. I get it. I just want to make it better for you.” He kissed away her tears and gently kissed her lips.

Alicia led Finn to her bedroom and the gentle kisses continued. There was no passion, just affectionate kisses to ease the pain. They fumbled awkwardly with each other’s clothes – not desperate, not grabbing, just peeling off layers of pain. They lay holding each other. Stroking each other’s skin to soothe away the hurt.  
“We could just have cuddle and go to sleep.”  
“No Finn. Please.”  
“I feel like I’m taking advantage…”  
“You’re not. I promise you. You’re not.”  
“O.K.” He needed that connection with someone too and Alicia was offering it.

In the end it was easy. Sensitive, slow and consoling. Two people brought together by trauma and grief found comfort in each other’s arms. Later they spoke in whispers so they didn’t wake each other up from the spell.  
“Thank you.”  
“Anytime. Sorry that sounded sleazy…”  
“No - it’s OK. I know it wasn’t meant like that. Do you think you could sleep?”  
“I haven’t slept properly since that day in court, but I’ll try.”  
They found a comfortable position for Finn’s shoulder and slept with their arms around each other.

In the morning it could have been awkward. They could have been shy of their nakedness and closeness in the cold light of day. Alicia had shown a relative stranger how vulnerable she was but she felt safe with Finn – he was vulnerable too. It wasn’t awkward. Waking up together seemed like the least awkward thing in their lives.

Finn gave Alicia one last tender kiss.  
“I promise I won’t ever mention this.”  
So they made a pact to never speak of it again. 

They kept their pact.

But at night alone in bed, Alicia would remember the soft feeling of Finn’s lips on her skin. Every meeting with him since was overlaid with an intense desire to feel his arms around her again. Even when he was questioning her in court, as soon as he focussed on her, his words were translated into touches in her mind. It scared her. When she should have been grieving for Will it was another man who filled her thoughts.

Still they kept their pact … until today at the bar. 

As Finn and Alicia sat at the bar they stared at each other for a long time. Finn just said one word, “Alicia…”, and from the way he said it she knew that he thought about her as well. She felt something she hadn’t felt for a long time – happy.  
“Alicia – I know it happened because we needed some sort of … connection. You were grieving and I was … I don’t know what. I was traumatised I guess but… I do like you… if you ever wanted …. _anything_.”  
“I know – I feel the same.”  
He allowed himself the slightest of smiles even though inside he was elated. “I want to hold your hand.”  
“Finn.”  
“Don’t worry – I wouldn’t - not here.”  
They smiled at each other as Alicia shifted herself and under the bar, unseen by anyone, she held Finn’s hand.


End file.
